FINALLY

I've been a member of Weight Watchers (again) since December.  As far as weight loss programs go, I like it - it's user-friendly, effective, and an overall healthy diet plan.  And it has worked really well for me.  I've lost 25 pounds, and then 6 weeks ago began gaining tiny little bits each week until my 25 pounds lost were really only 20 pounds.  And that frustrated the hell out of me.  Weeks where I would track every bite, exercise every day, and drink my water religiously would yield the same result as weeks where I slacked on exercise, loosened my portion sizes, and bought diet soda every day.

This week was the first week in over a month that I've seen a loss on the scale.  And it makes no sense.  I was at a wedding this past weekend, didn't track a thing, drank a bottle of wine, and got next to no exercise.  When people talk about lack of motivation to keep going, this is it.

I am a rule-follower.  Set something up as a rule, and I will follow to the best of my ability.  And when I don't follow the rules, I blame myself for the consequences.  But weight loss isn't like that.  It's not linear, even though we measure it that way.  Weight loss does not always follow "If this, then that" causality.  Sure, if you look at the broad picture, it does, but I'm talking week-to-week, because that's how I measure my weight.  Over 6 months, what I've done has added up to loss overall.  But what I did this past week should not.

This is the hardest thing for me to grasp and accept.  That I can follow the rules and not necessarily see the result I want.  I'm an achiever, that's how I roll.  And I have difficulty having faith that if I keep following the rules, it will even out eventually.  Instead, I choose to mostly close my eyes, try to do the right thing, and push through.